


Conversations 2

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders Sides [10]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 13:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19297015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: Roman and Virgil have a talk





	Conversations 2

He was in his room, walls plastered with Disney posters, large four poster bed in the corner with drapes pulled open around it, and an old-fashioned writing desk with an ink well and feather sitting on it on top of parchment in the other corner. He was putting himself through his paces, parrying and slashing at invisible enemies, whirling to counter a downward strike at his back, whipping out his foot to trip an attacker coming at him from the side. He swung in a wide arc, hitting the enemy coming at him from the left, sweat slicking his grip.  
“Come on Roman, I expected at least you to do better than this. Isn’t this whole slaying beasts thing supposed to be your specialty” His voice echoed through Roman’s mind, making him grit his teeth. He had to be better, he hadn’t been able to protect any of them. He could still feel the cold, almost inky feeling of Deceit’s power in him, driving him to attack Virgil. He hadn’t been in control, but he could feel it. All that despair and pain and so much fear. He let out a strangled yell as he spun fast, thrusting forward, sword flying out of his grip and sticking itself into the doorframe. Inches from Virgil’s head.  
“Hello to you too, I guess.” Virgil said, looking frozen to the spot despite his casualness.  
“I am so sorry, I did not hear you knock. I was just, er, practicing.” Roman apologized, tugging on the sword. It had embedded itself fairly deep.  
“I don’t know Princey, you seemed pretty spot on to me.” Virgil replied, and Roman flinched.  
“I wasn’t good enough to avoid causing you harm.” He replied, wrenching the sword free with one angry pull.  
“That’s not… what I meant.” Virgil sighed, pushing his hair back.  
“Then what? First, I pushed you away enough you ran to, to Him, for help. Then I drag Patton and Logan into my quest to retrieve you and nearly get them killed, and in the midst of it all I attack you and nearly kill you. It seems nothing I did was remotely near good, much less good enough!” Roman replied, voice getting steadily louder as he ticked off the points on his fingers.  
“Please don’t do that.” Virgil said, wincing, rubbing his temple.  
“Do what!?” He shouted, taking a breath.  
“Yell, freak out, do whatever you’re doing right now. It’s so loud and so… much. Ok?” Virgil replied aggressively, folding his arms uncomfortably. Roman actually looked at Virgil then. He was paler than usual, and the dark spots under his eyes that was usually eyeliner were actually real. He looked… tired and worn.  
“This was stupid, what am I doing?” Virgil muttered, looking down at the floor.  
“What… what are you doing here? I don’t think you’ve come to my room, well, ever.” Roman asked, noticeably toning down his volume.  
“Patton told me that I should talk to you. Because we haven’t, not really. Not since everything, y’know.” He replied, still not looking up.  
“It’s fine, I’m… fine.” Roman stuttered out. Virgil rolled his eyes.  
“Do you know how many times I’ve said that same thing? I’ve spent enough time around Milo to know a lie when I hear one.” Virgil replied.  
“Well then, are you fine, you sarcastic Samuel?” Roman shot back. For a moment Virgil wavered, then let out a low breath.  
“No. No, not really.” He replied, deflating. Roman froze, speechless. Virgil would never admit that to anyone, much less him. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. He was afraid any movement would scare him away.  
“Look, I know you feel guilty about it all. But it wasn’t your fault, ok? So just… don’t blame yourself. I knew what I was getting into. I just didn’t know what I was getting you all into.” Virgil said, stuffing his hands in his pocket, turning to go.  
“Virgil, wait.” Roman grabbed his wrist, gently. Virgil could pull away easily enough if he wanted. But he didn’t. “Why then? Why did you go?” He asked, letting out the question that had been burning inside him.  
“Because… I thought it was the only option I had. I know I can’t just duck out. But I thought, I don’t know, nothing would change, if I went back and just forgot everything. I’d still be working, still be keeping Thomas in check, you just wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. I thought it would be better.” He finished, almost whispering, unconsciously rubbing his arm where Roman had slashed it. It still ached sometimes, especially when he was feeling strongly. Roman noticed and winced.  
“Virg- “  
“I don’t expect you to understand, ok? I know everything in your little fantasy world always has happy endings, but I just can’t see that way. Every little barb you threw my way, Logan shutting down my worries, even Patton’s kinda demeaning attitude, they all just get magnified times a hundred. My mind just spins off, and with Milo whispering in my ear the whole time… I just thought what if I go? I didn’t… I don’t think I expected you all to come after me. I didn’t expect you to come after me.” Virgil finished, rambling a bit.  
“You thought I would just leave you there? I thought he’d taken you Virgil. I was imagining all kinds of twisted games or traps he could have you set in. But he didn’t need any. I’d laid all the groundwork for him. I did his job for him. I hurt you, Virgil.” Roman said, voice pained.  
“I meant it when I said I forgave you. I didn’t know that would snap you out of it, and I still meant it, about everything. I was scared but not…it didn’t matter. What happened to me. I just needed you to get out of there.” Virgil replied, rubbing his arm.  
“Virgil, I know how you feel.” Virgil raised an eyebrow.  
“Yeah, I seriously doubt that.”  
“I am always afraid. What if my ideas aren’t good enough? What if no one likes what I’m doing? What if I’m not original? What if everyone stops caring what I’m making? What if they stop caring about me? What if they laugh at me? What if I do something stupid? What if I hurt everyone? What if I’m left… if I’m left all alone?”  
Virgil’s breath caught in his throat. He stared at Roman, unable to understand. It was like a mirror of his own mind, echoing back at him.  
“But you’re everyone’s favorite.”  
“Only while I’m still making things people love. If I mess up, Thomas’s career could be over. I could screw everything up for everyone. I’m not perfect, Virgil. None of us are. But we’re all trying our best. I’m sorry for all the times I made you feel otherwise.” He apologized, meeting Virgil’s eyes, who was speechless. “I don’t mean to be hard on you. I just get riled up easily. Passion is part of creativity.” Roman said, holding out his hand, a gesture of peace. Virgil took it, stepping into Roman’s room.  
He dropped like a rock. All he could see was his worst fears. He saw Patton getting torn apart, saw Logan losing his mind, saw Roman stricken down, saw gold invade them all as they ripped each other apart, he saw each of them drowning in darkness, turning against each other, ducking out one by one until Thomas lost his mind.  
Then he was out, heaving in breaths, shaking. He was on the ground outside Roman’s room, head in his hands, a concerned Roman supporting him, keeping him from faceplanting.  
“I don’t think your room likes me much.” He choked out, voice hoarse, trying to get his breathing under control.  
“Why… what was that?” Roman asked, bewildered.  
“Your room, Roman. It’s made of creativity. Anxiety plus creativity is not a great combination. Not with all the fears on my mind. It made all of them twist into new and horrible forms.” He replied, trying to suppress his shakes and the headache pulsing at his temples. “Dark side, remember?”  
“But Patton’s- “  
“Hit me just as hard. It just took longer to build. Yours really has it out for me, I guess. Makes sense though.” He interrupted, flipping up his hood.  
“Don’t do that.” Roman said, Virgil turned to him, confused.  
“Do what?”  
“When you put on your hood, it means you’re going to run, or hide, or shut down. Don’t do that this time.” Virgil let out a deep breath, slowly pushing his hood back down.  
“I don’t know what else to do.” Virgil said smally.  
“Just sit with me. Just… just let me help.” Roman said, releasing Virgil as he steadied. They sat in silence for a moment.  
“You draw.” Roman said, Virgil looking at him puzzled.  
“What?”  
“You draw. When we were in your room, you had drawings on the walls and in your journal. I didn’t know you did that. They looked really good.” Virgil ducked his head, hiding a blush.  
“Thanks. You should expect me to have some creativity, I am your opposite.” Virgil commented, Roman raising an eyebrow. Virgil smirked.  
“wow you guys really are clueless idiots. I am the negative version of you. Kinda, that’s the best way to describe it. I’m all the creativity if it went… dark, I guess. Just like Milo and Patton are opposites. Y’know, Morality and Deceit? That’s why Milo’s room hit Patton the hardest…. And why your room hit me like a brick. It’s why we have such a hard time getting along. You instinctually dislike me.” Virgil explained, seeing from Roman’s face that he’d never clued in to any of this, it was all new. He switched topics, not wanting to think on that too much.  
“Why did you never tell us you were so afraid?” Virgil asked, swallowing thickly. Roman noticed the change, but didn’t comment on it, instead thinking on Virgil’s question.  
“Because I’m supposed to be the brave one. If I let people know I’m afraid, what will they think of me?” He answered, smiling a bit at Virgil’s difficulty reconciling what he’d learned about Roman with his own idea of Roman. He had his own reconciling to do later.  
“Jeez I need to listen to Patton more.” Virgil groaned, leaning back against the wall, stretching his legs out, resting his head on Roman’s shoulder. “He told me that you and I were more alike than I thought. Your emotional shield is almost as good as mine Princey. Nice to know I’m not the only one screwed up around here.” He commented, half smiling. Roman rolled his eyes, smiling back.  
“Feeling better?” Roman asked. Virgil had his eyes closed, forehead slightly creased.  
“Migraine coming on, but other than that…. Yeah. I think I feel better. You?” He asked, not opening his eyes.  
“Much. I… thank you, Virgil. For trusting me. I know talking like this isn’t easy. Especially with me.” Roman said, Virgil peeking his eyes open.  
“yeah, well, once you almost kill each other a couple times, I think we were both owed a little heart to heart.” Virgil murmured, closing his eyes once more and letting out a little sigh. Roman shook his head, feeling Virgil fall asleep leaning against him. He got the feeling neither of them had been getting much sleep. He rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes. A little nap wouldn’t hurt. Besides, he couldn’t bear to wake up Virgil, he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. He closed his eyes and let his mind drift, creating dreams of brave princes slaying dragons.


End file.
